In another world.

Night time and I thinking far far away. Whenever it reaches 11pm, I will automatically switch into the calm mood. It just cannot be explained with words. 

Death, are you afraid of it?

Honestly, I am not. I hope to die peacefully, without any regrets. If it wasn't for Priscilla, I think I will still be wasting my life away. Really really thank God for her <3 If only we had that talk last year, then everything will not be as terrible as now. Me and him. But maybe this is all planned, I mean like we are not meant for each other. If we are meant to be together, no matter what happens, we will never be defeated by it. But somehow we were defeated and that's why we became like this. Strangers. 

Life is really short but nobody realize that. Everybody is like living everyday as though life is gonna be as long as infinity. It sucks. Before I die, I do hope to have a hth talk with him... But I know this isn't a good time and maybe I will just make everything go worse? I suck when it comes to my own problem. Haiz. Really really miss those days. But time can never be turned back. 

At my funeral, I don't want tears to exist. I hope everybody present at my funeral will be smiling instead. Because I hope that I brought smiles to their lives and they are able to show me the smiles that I brought to them, even if I'm gone. The last thing I would do in front of people is to cry. And if I really do, I don't know, maybe it would be because I have exceeded my limit. So far, I haven't. Actually I did. In front of Priscilla at Chapel. After 2 years, I went for chapel and the impact on me... Really big. 

Right now, I just hope that I can get 13 for my O'levels.

BUT I AM NOT FREAKING PUTTING IN THE EFFORT TO STUDY HARD. 

I really hate myself for being so easily distracted. Discipline, where are you? I really really need you now. I know I will be able to do it IF I put in the effort and time. But why aren't am I doing it?! Prelim 2 is on Tuesday and here I am, not willing to sit down and study for hours. 

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.

Please, somebody, enlighten me. 

I need motivation. I need inspiration.

But after all, I am the only one who can make myself really study.

:'(