Perspective.

Getting sick of everything.

So inspired by Ms Ally, I think after graduating, after my SME bond, I really want to take a break and travel around the world with just a back-bag. For my entire life, I am given almost everything I want, and the life I have is really a big time as compared to the other kids out there. Living such a good life that I don't even appreciate everything I have in my life. But after what Ms Ally shared, I felt like I need to step out, having been living under my parents' protection for so many years, I don't even see what's happening out there in the other side of the world. I own so many clothes, shoes, bags, food, but does kids over there own it like I do?

Just want to leave Singapore and set my feet on all parts of the world, and actually know what's really happening on Earth, and along the way, help the less fortunate. It's all I want to do right now.

"The world is bigger than what you think it is."

Garden.

A guy own a garden, it was a gorgeous garden with all kinds of greens growing beautifully. The garden was near to perfect, the only thing missing from the garden was colors – Flowers.

After years, after many failed attempts of growing flowers, one day, a rose grew out. The guy was so happy that he showered the rose with love and care. The rose was too very happy to receive such good treatment.

Every single day, through sun and rain, the guy without fail will be there for the rose. At some point in time, she was all that he wanted.

However, one sunny day, a neighbor came along and said to the guy, “Hey, I’ve bought some sunflowers and had some leftovers. Would you like one?” And without any hesitation, the guy gladly accepted a sunflower. The guy started planting the sunflower into a pot, and slowly he paid more attention to the sunflower.

Feeling insecure, the rose decided to ask the guy, “Would you ever get sick of me?” The guy laughed and replied, “Oh silly, how would I ever get sick of something so beautiful?” The rose was satisfied with the answer and trusted that he meant what said.

But trusting him was probably one of the biggest mistakes the rose could ever make.

Slowly, the guy stopped showering love and care for the rose and eventually he had all his attention on the sunflower instead. And the rose, deprived of love and care, eventually died.

Stupidity

I cannot describe the feeling I'm describing right now. I don't even know if I'm angry or I'm sad. 

Words really mean nothing until actions prove it. 

Sorry but I really cannot go on like this, knowing that you lied and I actually believed it?????? Right now, I just want to draw a line between us, in fact I don't even want to have anything to do with you. In fact, I am so regretting everything from the very start. Why did I do so much only to have myself being fooled around lol. Isn't it like digging my own grave, making myself hurt only???? WHY AM I SO DUMB. I should have trusted myself, I should have trusted my instinct. Why did I persuade myself that you're different from everyone else. Just my fault to actually think that there are really nice guys out there. hahahahahaha. Guys are guys, what should I expect from them. 

Forget it. Never ever again am I allowing myself to change my own mindset/impression of another person. 

N  E  V  E  R      E  V  E  R

human x human

Just a minute ago, dajie was telling me this incident and wow, it really made me think how scary your 'friends' can be.........

Yes, they may claim to be your 'friends', they may flirt with you, they may talk to you like you're the only one that they're talking, they may talk to you like they really do like you, but behind the scenes, do we really know if they mean it, or if there's any hidden motive???? It is really so scary having the thought of someone whom you thought is your close friend, someone you can trust, actually aren't who they show you they are. 

Since when did human become so scary, to the point where humans and humans actually do things behind one another's back. Who do we trust after all? Or maybe, the only person we can trust is ourselves. 

I really cannot wait till the day I graduate from poly, the day I saved lots of money and off I go, alone, on a backpack tour. 

I'm starting to lose myself, and I know it.

I no longer know what is it that I really want, I no longer work hard for what I want, I no longer trust in myself, I am no longer that happy as how I used to be. I miss the days when how people look at me did not really affect me. 

I don't want to lose myself. I don't want to see myself changing to someone who others want me to be. 

I have enough of those stupid meaningless thoughts, trying to figure out what others. I want to spend time on myself, to make myself a better person, to live for myself and not for others. 

Because in this world, nobody will love you more than themselves. 

People rather see you hurt, then to see themselves hurt.  

I've learnt my lesson.

Fade to black.

I really regret being so attached to people, because eventually they will slowly fade away from my life. The feeling of wanting to talk to someone that was once so close to you, but knowing that you probably mean nothing to them anymore, what else can you do? 

Humans, are all the same.

I foresee the same ending.

2015.

The sixth day of a brand new year.

Today  (or should I say yesterday???) was also the start of a new school term. And Korea photos have finally been up on Facebook. I'll probably blog about it after UT 2.....

2015 have been good so far, but why do I have such a strong feeling that someone from the past is entering back into my life again??? But I don't know if letting xxx back into my life is a right or wrong choice. I really want to give xxx a third chance but then again if there's a first, there's bound to be a second and third, and fourth and blah blah blah. Letting xxx back into my life will be like giving xxx a chance again to repeat everything all over again. AND THAT'S LIKE COMMITTING SUICIDE?????? Idk idk idk idk.

Really can't wait to get over with Year 2 Sem 2, and then holidays!!!!! YES HOLIDAYS. But it's scaring me a little that time is passing slightly too fast that I am not quick enough to appreciate the events, things, people around me. Is it time for me to slow down my step and slowly give thanks and appreciate the things happening in my life right now and people who have been very supportive of me so far? After Year 2 Sem 2, I'm only left with Year 3 Sem 1 and 6 months intern before I graduate out of RP. I'm like so looking forward to the ending yet dreading how time is passing so quickly. 

Don't ask me what are my 2015 resolutions because no I do not have any. HAHAHAHA yes, not even one like pass my modules, wait actually that can be one, but still no, I do not have any 2015 resolutions. I honestly do not like planning my life out right now at this current age. I don't know if it's because I'm still not feeling the need to be planning out my life because I've been doing well for 18, soon to be 19 years of my life without me doing any plannings beforehand. I still do enjoy the let everything happen naturally and somehow, someone or something will happen along the way. Yeah, that's me. 

But I think the year I turn 20 or 21, I'll probably beg to differ. You'll probably see me planning out my entire next 10 years of my life. HAHAHAHA! I honestly cannot wait till the stage of my life where I have my own family. Yeah, like what beats having a husband who may not be the perfect guy but definitely Mr Right just for you, and by then, probably little monsters who may cause you to gain like 50kg, drive you crazy, but their growth kills all the negative thoughts away. I AM JUST SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT STAGE OF MY LIFE. (I think like 20 years time, I'll read back and curse at myself for writing this. HAHAHAHAHA)

Enough of all the crazy thoughts, I so am going to regret sleeping late tomorrow morning. Like, what's new? HAHAHAHAHAHA!