Back.

It's back. the feeling.

I don't know how to describe my feelings now. It's just... Never mind, nobody can understand it. I really can't hope time can pass by faster. I wish I can get him out of my life. But honestly, do I want him in my life? I don't know. He really mean a lot to me, and the past 4 years, I have never once thought that there would be a day when he no longer exist in my world. Is it gonna happen? If I didn't make that decision last year, I'm sure we wouldn't be like this now. I wished I could turn time back...

Is he the one? Nobody knows. I really don't know if it's worth it. I really tried, but it's just that when I see you, when I hear your name, everything just comes back. I thought it would be easier. It hurts me a lot to see you not acknowledging my presence. It can change my mood completely and I just won't stop replaying the scene over and over again in my mind. I really hope we are able to be like how we used to be, where it was just so carefree and just nice and comfortable together. Now, it's like awkward only. I HATE IT.

I do wonder if you will actually notice me even if I'm gone. I really wanna give it a try. I want to know how much I mean to you. And maybe the answer to this will wake me or change me? I don't know. Haiz, I hate it when I blog about all this silly and immature thoughts of mine.