Gone forever?

I am currently in a situation where I don't know what I should do because nothing feels right. I always ask myself, "Will I regret?" And I cannot answer that answer. The slight hope that I still hold upon that you'll just come back again is still there. I tried to erase it away, but I realised I can never do so. I'm so used to having to wait and wait, though it's tiring but I really hope it will turn out to be something good.

Somehow, I believe that it's time to set free from all this thoughts. I want to be free from all thoughts, I want to live each day to the fullest because I'll never know when will I just... die. I don't want to die with regrets, really. I really appreciate and love those who came into my life and never once left. They are the ones who stood by me and gave me all the encouragements that I required. With them around, I don't need a boyfriend to actually feel loved. Like now, I'm satisfied with everything that I have now. Family, friends, especially people like Priscilla, Navinn, Nicole, Xue Ting, Elyana, Siti, Yi Qi, Justin, Shermaine.... I really love them. 

I also should thank 2 guys, who made me stronger. They entered my life, made a drastic change and left. I don't hate either of them, neither do I love them. Certainly for one, the other one, I'm still trying to manage it well. To speak the truth, the first guy that I love was not my first boyfriend. It's my FATHER. Kidding :) It's this person who entered my life right after my first break up and he was the one who made me believe that love still does exist. Though, after all, he left too. The memories with him will never fade, but I know one day the feelings for him will fade away.

I'm living a life where I chose to be surrounded by freedom and love. I think being in a relationship isn't that easy as I thought it would be. The problems one would face is terrible. And hurtful. I hate to suffer pain, thus I'm not gonna invest in love path anymore. Twice is enough. I'm perfectly fine with the company of my friends currently. Well, I guess my future husband will be someone who can prove me wrong about all my negative thoughts on love. Otherwise, I'll stay single for the rest of my life and just adopt kids. That's all I'm gonna ask for.

The last chance is gone, you and I, never ever again.

On my 18th birthday, I'm gonna sponsor 2 kids from overseas. I cried when I was watching this video on kids from third world countries. They are so young yet they are going through all this shit that are left behind. This world is just unfair...