Primary school friendship

Frankly speaking, I've never enjoyed my primary school days. It only brings back horrible and silly memories... Maybe one day, when I'm ready, I'll do a blog post about it. So when I was in Primary 5, I met her. It was kind of cool because our mums know one another and her mum will always drive me home after school since we stay near one another and we're in the same class! So we came bff along with 2 other girls.

But along the way, disputes started to happen. Now when I look back, I wonder if those 2 other girls are actually really my friends. We were both in really good terms, in such a way that everyday after school, I'll go over to her house or she'll come over to my house and we'll study together. Or more of like play together HAHA. And then one day, those 2 other girls came up to me and started badmouthing about her to me. Like telling me how she's going around badmouthing me, and I stupidly fell for it. I believed them and me and her slowly started to drift apart.

But she never stopped trying to talk to me, I remember how she will write letters to me. And of course, we patched back! (Lol, sounds like couple uh? hahahaha) But those 2 girls, they didn't stopped and they once again cause me to believe that she is backstabbing me once again. I can't believe I was that dumb to fall for the same trick so many times...

And thankfully, we patched back once again! (THANK GOD.) 

Until today, we're still in touch. Even though there was a period of time when we stopped contacting, I'm glad we're talking once again. (: I'm really proud of her. She was once a weak girl, who got bullied by everyone, who had to hide her tears behind her smiling face. Now she's all grown up, pretty and strong! I love you babe. Kudos to our up and down friendship. <3

Pictures Update

Yup the title said it all.
 
The best gift a guy can ever give a girl.... MACAROONS.

 

Qtpie Jadon.

Muscular huh?

Guess who is he imitating??

THOR.

So cute ah!!!!! <3

 

His father's day gift to his papa.

 

He asked me what I wanted to eat, REAL FOOD. And he went into the kitchen and took this for me. (':

Cute panda chocolates from Vivan. <3

Me and baby nephew at grandfather's birthday party that night.

Be thankful.

Just as I thought my life sucks big time, I realised I was wrong....

At least I have my family, my friends, my teachers.... I'm counted to be fortunate but I chose to compare myself with other people who have more than I do, and it only made myself more upset. Now I question myself.... Why do I even compare myself with others??

There are kids out there who lost their parents maybe because of illness, maybe because of a horrible car accident, maybe because they got murdered? There are kids out there who only have 1 meal every day, and their meal could be just plain porridge and peanuts, and they don't have the best quality of drink either. And here I am, complaining about how terrible my life is. I ought to be ashamed of myself.

Today, I felt really guilty. In life, we have no idea what will happen in the next second, we have no idea when we'll be gone for good. And I just suddenly feel really sad that eventually, everyone got to leave this world. Just the thought of my loved ones leaving me is really so hurting, not to mention in the future. And I know that I got to show my love for the people I love every single day, every possible time I'm able to.

Really don't give a shit about your ego. If you love somebody, tell them. You don't have to wait for the right time, because the right time will never be right. TIME DOES NOT MATTER.

I've read a story about this couple....

He loves her. And she loves him too.

He thought she doesn't like him, and she thought he didn't like her.

So they both never had the courage to confess, thinking that what if she thinks I'm a freak? what if he thinks I'm a freak?

Just like that, love slipped past them and a couple of years later, they each found a partner and got married. 

But his marriage didn't work, and her marriage didn't work either.

Eventually he divorced his wife, and she divorced her husband.

After many years, one fine day, he was at the place where they both always hang out at, and she was there too. They went to a cafe and chat.

And that was when they found out that he loved her, and she loved him. And they still do.

But the next day, he got killed in an accident and she died, emotionally.

I know it's a pretty cliche story but my point here is what for waste so many years of your life only to find out the truth? Why not know the truth earlier, and get to spend more time with your loved ones?

Definitely, actions speak louder than words.

Do something for your loved ones.

It doesn't have to be something big, something major.

Something small, something tiny, something simple will do.

A hug? A 'I love you'? A simple 'thank you' also work wonders at time.

Just try, it doesn't harm.

Live everyday like it's your last.
Leave no regrets behind.

Sad.

Sitting in Swissbake at Nex, eating my croissant as dinner. I am hungry but I have no appetite. Sometimes, I feel like surrendering, I feel like giving up. For so many years, I’ve tried so hard trying to please you all, trying to make you all proud. But I never succeeded in it. I’m still the same small girl who never grows up, the girl who never tried her best in everything she do, the girl who will never succeed, the girl who is useless. I really am trying my best, trying to improve my studies, trying to excel in something to make you all proud, trying to be successful in something else other than studies. But I was never recognized in your eyes. Becoming the class chairperson, a student councilor, the chairman of npcc, receiving the highest rank Station Inspector and SPF-NPCC badge, all this never mattered in your eyes. I know I am not smart naturally, I don’t have the brains to study, but I really tried and I still cannot do it.

I don’t know what I can do to make you proud of me. When other people praise me, or compliment my looks, the things that you say are sometimes really hurtful. But I covered it up with smiles and laughters…. And you never realized how hurt I am deep inside. Sometimes, I just need a kiss, or just a hug from you. I need you to make me feel so secure but since young, we’ve never had the habit of sharing our thoughts and I’ve never had the courage to go up to you and just spill everything out, cry out all the hidden tears. I always end up hiding under my blanket, silently crying my trouble, my sadness, my anger out.

I don’t need much from you all. I just need you all to notice me, give me words of encouragement, occasionally give me hugs, and talk to me about life and all. Is it that tough??

When I don’t work and ask you all for money to do some shopping, all I get is scoldings, telling me that I should save money to help the family in the financial. So I went to work, trying to earn some money when I can, and I’m able to go shopping with my own money and able to save money to pay for my own school fees, and if possible help in paying some bills at home. But all I get is scolding again….

I realized I was no longer that strong girl.

I’m just pretending to be okay when I’m not. And you want to know why? That’s because I don’t want you all to worry about me. Being the middle child, it’s normal to feel less loved isn’t it? Everyday all I hope is that you’ll smile at me and praise me for something I did. But how often do I get it?? Once every…. 2 months?

I’m not a superwoman, I’m just like any other girl, wanting to be loved, to be showered with love.

But I guess it’s too much to ask for right?

I’m never gonna be as smart as Dajie, neither am I gonna be as whiny cute as ya, nor neither am I gonna be as good as zheng.

I’m just that dumb girl, who will never succeed.

I surrender.

My life is never going to be successful. I’m just going to be that woman who will die alone on a street… 

you

Fruit Yoghurt

 

 

     

   

Aigo so cute right?! It's Jadon's toys! Was babysitting him that day and he passed them to me and I found it really cute. So took a couple of pictures of it. (:

Tuesday, met up with bestiepie and piggycole after school to study. Coincidentally, me and bestiepie wore similar outfit! When we met up we were both carrying our laptop bags and holding onto our handphones the exact same way, I immediately LOL-ed because the scene was too cute. No wonder we are bffs haha! Then we went to get chips and off to study! Bestiepie went home for dinner and me and piggycole went all the way to shs that area to have our dinner. Saw Qi at Mac when walking to bus stop! Oh and we bumped into Xut and Km on the bus too! After we're done studying, we went to our usual chill out place and chit chat. And piggycole started playing ndp songs HAHAHAHA. Love them both. <3

Thursday, I realised that my library book was overdue so right after I reached home from school, I took my book and went to the library! Met up with fantaboy before going home together. Rare days where we'll go home together. So cute luh he.

Saturday, went out with Yunwei in the morning to have lunch together and get a few shots done for the blogshop shooting. It was a fun day with her. I miss hanging out with her..

 

After that, wanted to meet Hanyi, Yiting, Rachel and Joanne at Bugis but they can only come at 4+ and I can stay only until 6. So ended up didn't go and took a long ride on bus 23. hahaha! Went for Ahgong's birthday party at night. I don't know maybe it was because we were never really close with daddy's side relatives since young, we never really enjoy family gatherings... But yeah, after all we are still ahgong's grandchildren and yeah, family. 

 

 

 

 

My nephew! He is my cousin's son, which makes him my nephew right?

And yes, another reason why we are not close with daddy's side cousins is because of the age gaps. At mummy's side, we're considered as the older few but at daddy's side, we're considered as the younger few and daddy's side.... We have too many relatives already. I cannot remember all of them. Oh gosh. That's because my Ahgong have 2 wives so we have double the uncles, aunties, cousins. But I find it quite intersting too. Other than the fact that we're not close to them.... Oh well.

 Then came home and PHOTO TIME. hahahaha vain me is vain.

 

We attempted jumpshots and it was a major FAIL.

 

   
hahahahahahaha! Okay off to bed now~! Goodnight and sweet dreams!!
xoxo