On my way home and for once, I feel so lost, so lonely, so guilty, so empty. All in one. I don't know if it's just my period pmsing shit or it's my genuine feelings. But maybe it is my genuine feelings just that I only take note and really feel it during this period of time. Sometimes, or most of the times, I just want to bring smiles and laughters to people but it seems that sometimes I tend to assume things or the situation wrongly. It may be a joyful intention, but the message brought to them is however, something not worth smiling or laughing for. And in the past, I would simply brush it off with a laugh, with a simple thought that it's just a joke la. But today, tonight, I realised that I've always been in the wrong. So many people have actually been through all the shitty attitude and comments I've given and never once complain. Why are people being so nice to me when I actually treat them this way? Do I deserve it? I don't think so. I ought to be hated and ignored and not allowed to complain for I deserve it. How many times have I actually spared a thought for others before myself. And then I look at myself and the only words that came into my mind is 'Selfish Bitch'. I have so many precious friendships and it has all almost been broken because of me isn't it. Tell me why am I complaining about life... I have no rights to. After 17 years, I may seem to have grown physically and mentally, but the real me is actually still a small girl who is not willing to accept reality, who believes that happily ever after do exist and one fine day, prince charming will come. But it's all a hoax. In reality, nothing is going to be moving your way. In fact, everything will be against you. Be it family, friendships or relationships, it's gonna be fire after fire, rain after rain, obstacles after obstacles and we all have got nothing to say but to surrender out lives. When it's time to go, don't hesitate.
No comments:
Post a Comment