I told myself I will not affected by feelings but, what a lie. It seems like I'm overthinking, I'm insecure and stuff, but the reason why I'm like this is because I've been through this shit countless time, so I know, I know that it'll definitely not be something happy, something good. But why is it that despite getting hurt by this shit so many times, I'm still repeating the same mistake over and over again. Indirectly, I mean I deserve all this shit I'm suffering right now. I hate that I love you. I hate that your every action can trigger my emotions. I hate that I'm happy because of you, but I'm also sad because of you.
And when can I learn from my mistake not to trust people that easily. Each and every single time I trust people and only to regret my action because all people do is play with my feelings, my trust. So much for keeping a secret.... Indeed, only the dead can keep a secret. So much for promising me. I probably learnt from my mistake, and now at least I know who I can trust with my secret and who I can't. Trust, once broken, can no longer be fixed.
I think right now, I just need a break. Right now, all I want is spend more time with my family, my best friend and my secondary school friends, whom I know I've neglected these days... I really miss those days when I'm only sad because I've disagreement with my bff, when we've graduated from shss, when life was much more simpler and when friends really stood by you.
As we grow older, I realised that life also became more complicated. Now I question myself....
Am I really prepared to face the society?
I stopped having expectations.
let it go.
I wish I had never met you. There would be no need to impress you. No need to want you. No need for loving you. No need for crying over you. No need for heartbreaks. No need for pain or tears. No need for forgotten promises. No need for rejected hugs. No need for crying myself to sleep. No need for everything you've done to make me feel like nothing.
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