Bittersweet Love.

This is my 2nd dedication post and it is dedicated to someone whom I really love.

2 years ago, one morning, we met up at 6+ am to play basketball before going for tuition. It ended up to be me watching you play basketball. During tuition, we sat side by side and my heart thumps every now and then. It was my first time having such feeling, and I told myself it was nothing. Then after tuition, we went to your house to study. I remember I was so afraid to enter your house because of your dog. But you hold onto your dog and ensured me that he will not bite me. The feeling came again. Later the day, you offered to cycle me home, but I didn't dare to and you didn't insist. That was also the day you first confessed. But I wasn't sure of my feelings and moreover I didn't s want to get into another relationship. You didn't give up and often ask me out. But I fear and end up always rejecting you.

Slowly, we started studying together and you were also the first guy that sent me home. I was so glad to have you in my life. I'll always go to you first when I have problems and you never once failed to cheer me up. I remember telling about my spine and in reply, you told me that no matter what happened, you'll always be there for me, always loving me and even if nobody wants me, you will not. My heart melted. For the very first time, I feel so special to someone.

1 year passed and gradually, feelings were developed and unknowingly, I fell in love with you. With you around, I know I'll be alright, I'll not get hurt, and I'll just love you more each day.

And the day when we finally got together, you had no idea how happy I was. I couldn't sleep for days and I just can't help but smile to myself whenever I think of you. You became my pillar of strength. The first week, I was busy with cca and I thought you could understand me. But I was wrong. I never once knew that my happiness will end in just a week. Yes, a week. You know, I wished you waited for just one more day, then everything will be different now. I want to surprise you by asking you out, but in turn I got a bigger surprise. Break up. You told me we should concentrate on our studies and cca first. I thought about it and I agreed. All I want was us being happy. I thought we will still be the same as how we were in the past. But everything changed. You no longer text me like how you used to, even if we do, you will take forever to reply and it's all 1-word replies. Did you know for how many months, I had to cry to sleep because of you? You didn't know. I was disappointed. You broke every promise you made to me and I just cannot find a way to forget you. I just put on a smile and tell you I'm alright, don't worry. You gave me up.

Then you started giving me hopes again. I thought you still loved me, but I was wrong. You had let go of me and moved on. I told myself to let go too, I told myself to hate you, I told myself to ignore you, but I just cannot do it. Everywhere I go, memories of us just appeared. I cried and cried and cried. But I had to pretend to be okay in front of you. I guess you believed so too. Did you know, when you told me that you are not worth me to wait for, my heart just broke into pieces. The guy that I first ever love…. You seem to be a whole new person! Then I had friends who listened to me and advice me, I'm so grateful to them.

Now, we may seem to agree on being good good good friends, but I think we are more of strangers. I have to kick away the habit of texting you. I know you have always liked this girl. Or I would say love? Yes, I'm jealous; I'm hurt, I'm upset. But as long as you are happy, I'm okay with anything. I'll never say I love you anymore because it's gonna be a burden to you. Whenever I feel like texting you, I'll just write it on a blog which I created for you. Nobody can read it, other than you. But now that you are happy, I don't think I want to let you know anymore. I will apologise first, because I told you I will love you forever no matter what, but in case the day I stopped loving you come, I'm sorry. I just hope to keep those sweet memories of us. And yes, I mean it when I said that I love you….