Naive.

我常在想应该再也找不到

任何人像你对我那么好

好到我的家人也被照料

我的朋友还为你撑腰

你还是有一堆毛病改不掉

拗起来气得仙女都跳脚

可是人生完美的事太少

我们不能什么都想要

你是我最重要的决定

我愿意 每天在你身边苏醒

就连吵架也很过瘾 不会冷冰

因为真爱没有输赢 只有亲密

你是我最重要的决定

我愿意 打破对未知的恐惧

就算流泪也能放晴 将心比心

因为幸福没有捷径 只有经营

你是我最重要的决定

我愿意 每天在你身边苏醒

就连吵架也很过瘾 不会冷冰

因为真爱没有输赢 只有亲密

你是我最重要的决定

我愿意 打破对未知的恐惧

就算流泪也能放晴 将心比心

因为幸福没有捷径 只有经营

(I really adore fanfan and blackie's relationship.)

Thinking back, I really wonder how did I fall for it... But well, I'm probably going to say this everytime such thing happen. I'm slowly getting used to it. (What's new.)

aefuhwepc

Didn't go school for lessons today and I really should start practicing self-discipline.... haiz.

I'm really worried about UT 2. Like I feel like suddenly time is like rocket fast flying towards me and my speed is really... lagging way way behind. I hate how I always contradict myself. I told myself that I have to start studying for A&P on Sunday, but I did not even touch my notes! And exams is on Friday.... Tomorrow Fuze Meeting, Thursday Open House. I'm only left with Wednesday to study. I'm kind of feeling stress right now because I really don't know how to manage my time well.....

I feel like as time pass, as I get older, I get to know more people, make more friends, my social circle expands, and also, face more problems, and my stress level definitely also increase. I really find it hard to balance school, studies, family and social life. I always end up neglecting one of it and in the end, hurting innocent people. It's only the 6th day into 2014 and I've got a feeling that this month is going to be hectic... I need to learn to manage my time. I need to learn what are my priorities. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I HAVE TO LEARN. I'm longer a kid, I'm a teenager, a soon-to-be adult. My mindset got to change, and I've to be more mature. This is the time when I have to depend only on myself, I don't want to depend on someone else on my own happiness, anything advantage to me. I want to enjoy life right now, like just abandoning everything behind and go to the opposite side of the world to enjoy. But I can't.... All I can do is to imagine......

I really have to warn people around me that I'll be having massive mood swings these days. LIKE REALLY MASSIVE ONES. I really don't mean it at times but I just control my temper, my emotions when I'm really upset and stress. A mental note to self: SELF CONTROL.

Music.

I guess I'm pretty much doing a good job in keeping my promise of updating my blog whenever I got the time to. (: Be proud of me yeaaa! HAHA.

Today, oh wait it's 1.01am right now, so it should be YESTERDAY, hmm. Worked full shift, from 8am to 7pm, and IT WAS SO TIRING. I'm actually quite afraid that I'm not able to balance family, friends, studies, fuze and work well. I have terrible time management issue, but I'm trying to spread out my time out and I hope I'm able to do well.

Met up with Justin for dinner after work and we definitely had a great time catching up with one another. I don't know why we can be so lame sia. HAHA! I'm glad that I actually still am in touch with my secondary schools, and it'll be even better if we can meet and chill. Nothing beats the feeling of not being forgotten.

I've done a check list for 2014, which I may or may not disclose it, and I will work hard and hopefully by the end of this year, everything is checked. I know it's not gonna be easy but I'll work hard for it and I'm sure I'll get what I deserve.



Before I end off, just want to share some songs that I listen to everyday.

I See Light - From the move "Tangled"

Let It Go - From the movie "Frozen"

Do You Want To Build A Snowman - From the movie "Frozen"

Toxic

Say Something

Blurred Line

Best Song Ever

Alex and Sierra - I'm in love with the both of them! Honestly, in Singapore we no longer are able to find this kind of relationship anymore. Look around you... Couples these days, I personally feel that the love between them are no longer the genuine kind, where they would be willing to sacrifice their life for their other half. It's like if you're good looking, you've passed the audition and may proceed to the next stage of audition, whereby if you're not good looking, you're out. That's what I feel la. But really, love is a scary thing. I've seen/heard/experienced too many kinds of stories that I think I'm starting to back out from it. I start to realise that actually.... you don't have to get married to be happy. Not everybody on this earth are happy because they're married! That's why divorce rates are increasing. People change and feelings fade. I cannot imagine myself marrying a guy whom I thought loved me as much as I love him, only to get betrayed in return. I'll probably suffer from depression, go crazy or kill myself or him or die together. HAHA CHOI. But then there may be couples who are really in love, but they are just not around me. HAHA. Oh well. THIS IS LIFE.

New Year.

A brand new year, a brand new start.

By saying a brand new start, I definitely do not mean by throwing away all the friendships and forgetting all the memories, but by learning from all the mistakes that I've learnt in 2013 and forget all the bad memories, forgive people who have upset me and start all over again. Basically, it's like giving everybody a second chance. But now if I were to think about it seriously, is it really a good thing? Because I'm sure I'll be doing this all over again next year, next next year, next next next year and for the rest of my life, and it means that I'll be giving people more chances to come back into my life and create chaos isn't it? But then again, what if they made use of the second chance and we became as close as we used to be, or in fact better than we used to be? I guess I probably need to think about this more deeply and more maturely.

So today is the 4th day of 2014 and I really am enjoying myself, other than the fact that I'm down with runny nose + sore throat + cough since the very first day of 2014. Actually it wasn't that bad at first, it was just runny nose, then 2nd day was at first runny nose, then cough. To be honest, my cough and sore throat became worse because of Karaoke Party. It's basically a karaoke site, but they'll rate you. So last night, with slight sore throat and cough I spent like hours playing it, singing/screaming my lungs out. HAHA! It's really fun and addictive! You can try it out on karaokeparty.com and I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy it as much as I did.

School has been good so far, but I'm really disappointed with my UT 1 results and I realised that I've been too relax, too distracted and totally not putting my best in paying attention in class, doing revisions and studying for exams. This is like a sudden wake up call for me, I don't want to end up regretting all this stupid actions that I'm displaying right now only when UT 3 results are out. So in order to start doing better, my very first step is to be on time for classes and I've got to say I'm doing a great job so far. (Well, but it has only been 2 days of school.... HAHA)  But I'm still being distracted in class. Haiz, I hope I can start to discipline myself better. YES I CAN DO IT.



2 days of school and I've already met most of the important poly friends in school yay! School can be fun only with them around, otherwise it's just plain boring and sleepy.



I'm turning 18 this year, like finally. But I don't think I'll still be saying the 'like finally' anymore after 5 years. haha! Well, this also means that I should really start acting my age, and start to be more mature. I think I'm slowly starting to be more mature, or actually I am mature, it's just the way how I act around with certain people. Actually I realised that if I'm mature with you, it means I'm not completely comfortable with you, but if I'm freaking childish, I am absolutely comfortable with you and can trust you with my life. So now you know, who are the people I really trust. HAHA.

I'm trying to update my blog at least once every 2 days because of the busy upcoming schedules ahead this month - UT 2, Open House, Work, Dajie's birthday, Chinese New Year. BUT I'LL STILL TRY MY BEST.



Ending off my post with a tiny winy message to everybody,




STAY STRONG AND YOU ARE LOVED.
xx

First page.

So it's 2014 already!

How time flies... It seems like as though 2013 has just started yesterday, and the next thing we know is we're actually welcoming 2014!

Isn't it time of the year when we stop with whatever we are doing right now and just think back and reflect on 2013 - all the things that have happened and whatever we've done right or wrong?
But honestly.... I don't think reflections ever worked on me. :x

Every single year, I never fail to ask myself this particular question.
"Have I changed for the better or for the worse?"

Frankly most of the time I would manage to convince myself that I've changed for the better but reality would never escape and I do know that I may have not changed for the better but for the worse. But because I've changed for the worse, I would tell myself that "no, you're still the same Xijia, in fact, you're a better girl now." It's like the angel and the devil in me are arguing and I guess unknowingly, I sided with the devil instead of the angel and eventually, it led to me being just a human body for the devil. Or I have became the devil. Hopefully, at the end of 2014 I'll be a more mature and stronger girl. AND TO THE FACT THAT I'M TURNING 18 THIS YEAR!!! LOVE.