Before and After.

My life after getting into a relationship....

It seems that most people have thoughts like,
"Oh you must be happier right now.", "Your life is officially completed.", "You're so lucky to have everything in your life."

My thoughts on my friends that have a relationship (before I myself got into a relationship) was, "How lucky they must be. They have a family, they have their friends, now they have a boyfriend / girlfriend as well!"

But after getting into a relationship, after having to experience things myself, that's when I realised, getting into a relationship with someone is really isn't that simple. It isn't just about wanting to spend the rest of your life with that one person, it's isn't just about going on dates, it isn't just about enjoying each other's company and all. It was more than that.



Yes you have one addition onto your Important / Favourite list, but with that addition it also means that you have one more person to balance in your life. In my case, in the past I had to balance only my family, my friends, studies and work. But now, I had to balance my family, my friends, studies, work, and him. And to be honest, I was really confident of being able to balance all of it well. I had plans, I made plans even before getting into a relationship.

The first month went well. But slowly, things started to change. Probably because it was the start of our relationship, which was also the crucial part of a relationship, I spent more time with him. And because of this, I also got drifted away from some of my friends. To be honest, I would not say I've put in 100% effort in trying to save my friendship. However, I would dare to say I've tried. But human-to-human relationship can never go just one-way.

There were a few events when my friends jio-ed me out, but because I've made plans with him beforehand, I had to reject them. I don't know if it's pure coincidence, but the few times they asked me out, I've already had plans. So some of my friends would automatically leave me out for events because they would assume I would no doubt choose him over anything. At some point of time, whenever I had problems or when I was upset with him and I really wanted to rant it to someone, I suddenly had no idea who I can approach. I looked through my contact list and I just didn't know who to talk to.



I was lucky enough to still have friends who would ask me how's my life going on and all. They gave me advice and made me start making sense of my life.

One particular friend of mine, probably the last person I would even expect to be having such a conversation with, once told me,

"At some point in your life, you would realise no matter how much you try to explain, how much you try to save yourself, they will still be saying the same old things, in fact they would just say you are just being a hypocrite. If they are your true friends, they will be happy for you. They may not like your boyfriend, but because you love him, they will still be happy for you. You don't even have to explain to your true friends, because they know you well enough."

p.s: I realised those people who can understand are only those we've been through it.



I know some of my friends are not happy with me because I no longer spend as much time as I used to spend with them. And I know they also have to rant it out. But sometimes I wish they would tell me instead of being mad at me behind my back and ranting it to others.

The hardest part is probably having to smile and laugh and act like you do not know about it in front of them.



In this kind of situation, nobody is in the wrong, maybe it's my fault because I assumed that my friends would understand that I would have lesser time to spent with them. Maybe I just didn't do a good job in balancing everything.



And to be honest,


I really do.

Being someone who is extremely sensitive about feelings, I can tell about one's mood really quick. There are times when I really want to be like how we used to be, so I decided to be the one who will make the first move. But sometimes their response to you can be really disappointing. Eventually, from casual talks, it became formal talks and right now I guess the only time she'll ever talk to me is when she needs my help.

There's nothing I can do to change the situation because......
We no longer understand one another anymore.

I still do hope we can be as close as we used to be.

As much as I'm enjoying attached life, I still hate the fact that there are things that you've to sacrifice, and there are still so much more to learn and adapt to.


To John, to my family, and to my drifted / current friends,