MA

Finally done with Management Accounting! Shall blog about Sentosa with the Fuzers soon!!!!!
Goodnight xx

Human

I can hold my breath

I can bite my tongue

I can stay awake for days

If that's what you want

Be your number one

I can fake a smile

I can force a laugh

I can dance and play the part

If that's what you ask

Give you all I am

I can do it

I can do it

I can do it

But I'm only human

And I bleed when I fall down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down

Your words in my head, knives in my heart

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I'm only human

I can turn it on

Be a good machine

I can hold the weight of worlds

If that's what you need

Be your everything

I can do it

I can do it

I'll get through it

But I'm only human

And I bleed when I fall down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down

Your words in my head, knives in my heart

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I'm only human

I'm only human

I'm only human

Just a little human

I can take so much

'Til I've had enough

'Cause I'm only human

And I bleed when I fall down

I'm only human

And I crash and I break down

Your words in my head, knives in my heart

You build me up and then I fall apart

'Cause I'm only human

Can I?

When will people around me start to realize that I’m just like them, a human with feelings too?

Sometimes when one smile, it does mean that they are happy. It can mean that that smile is only for show, because they do not want others to worry about them, they do not want to be a burden. But it seems like as time flies, people mistake me as a robot, an object with no feelings, no emotions, nothing……

Sometimes, I just want to be loved. I also want people to show me their love openly and not like as though their love for me cannot be seen by anyone. It just makes me wonder if it is really that embarrassing to love me. That feeling when people insult you and all you can do is fake a smile, fake a laugh like it does not matter to you at all. But deep inside, you are so affected by it, you are just holding back your tears so as to not hurt their feelings, make them feel bad. But it seems like people took it for granted, people thinks I’m oh-so-mighty, forever happy, forever carefree, forever not affected by any insults, teases. But the truth is, I do get affected.

I don’t remember being treated like that when I’m sick. I had to keep it to myself. Asked you all to help me feel if I had a fever and all you guys ever said was that I was being paranoid and that’s all. I had to go to bed all alone, suffer the heating temperature all by myself, and waking up at 3am just to grab a panadol on my own. So what if you all knew that I was having a fever? Did you all even bother to check on me while I was sleeping? No. Next morning, fever has subsided but you guys didn’t even told me to give a school a miss to rest at home, instead you all made me go school just because my fever has gone down. And now what? All he ever complained was that he’s having a headache and he’s being treated like a prince.

I also want to be treated like a princess occasionally…… But I doubt that day will ever come. I don’t know why you all are treating me like this….. Is it because I’m turning 18 soon, because I’m the older one here and I am able to take care of myself already? I don’t remember you caring for me like how you did for him when I was his age…… It really sucks being the middle kid at times. The oldest and the youngest kid gets all the attention and there’s me, who only matter when they wants to, when they needs my help?

I still want to be that small girl who whines and earns their parents attention and care. Please don’t make me feel out of the place. I also want to be treated the same. I want the same attention you give them, I want the care you give them when they’re sick, I want the praise you give them when they did a great job. I can feel that I’m slowly losing it all…..

I can feel myself slowly fading off everybody’s life because I was never and will never be that important to anybody……

I will be ok.

Just don't

Why did I even think that you’ll change for me? Well maybe in front of me, you’ve changed. But behind my back, when people come telling me the things that you do, a part of me dies a little. I don’t know how to describe it…. Angry? Sad? Disappointed?

“A leopard doesn’t change its spots.” This saying is just so true.

The thing here is that I realized I cannot love you for who you are right now. And if you were to change, are you still you? How did I even fall for you in the first place? YOUR ACTIONS, YOUR WORDS. But back then, who knows that if you were doing it only to me or to everybody? But from what I see right now, you’re doing it to everybody and if I cannot accept it then I probably am left with one choice. Leave.

So disappointed…… I just hope you’ll stop making empty promises to me. 

We Didn’t Date, But You’re Still My Ex

There’s a difference between an “ex-boyfriend” or “ex-girlfriend” and just an “ex.”

An “ex-boy/girlfriend” is somebody you dated seriously for an extended period of time. You had the talk. You defined the relationship. You probably told them you loved them. And then you broke up, affixing the word “ex” in front of their former title forevermore.

But what about everybody else? What about the guy you only went out with a few times? What about the girl you used to drunkenly make out with on the regular? What about the guy you were hooking up with until he started dating someone else? What about the girl you had a fling with when you were in Mexico on vacation? What about the guy you never actually even did anything with, but still flirted with enough that you might as well have?

These people are just exes. That guy you casually dated for a month isn’t an ex-boyfriend, but he’s an ex-something. And that something is enough to stir up feelings inside of you whenever their name inevitably appears in your social media feed.

Jealousy when he posts a picture of him and his new girlfriend together. Bitterness when you notice she’s starting to take your advice and make changes in her life now that you no longer see each other. Pride when he likes your new profile picture (because it obviously means he still thinks you’re hot). Frustration when her name immediately pops up as the first result when you start to search for someone else. Hilarity when he shows up in your OKCupid matches and you notice he lied about his height. Resentment when you realize she’s untagged herself in all of the pictures you have together. Uncertainty when he pops up on Tinder (do you swipe right in hopes that he’s an instant match so you can not only feel validated but maybe strike up a conversation? But what if he’s not an instant match? What if already swiped you left?). Confusion when she appears in one of your friend’s Instagram photos (they know each other?). That’s the thing about these exes. They’re inescapable. Even if you only had sex once, chances are you’ll run into him or her again online in some form. There’s no such thing as a one-night stand in the digital age.

Some people — especially those from different generations — do not believe these experiences count as “relationships,” that they lack intimacy, and that they shouldn’t be considered an “ex” as such. But just because you didn’t officially date someone doesn’t mean you weren’t intimate with them. That guy you slept with a handful of times? You know things about him that his family and friends don’t and never will. You know how his body feels against yours and what his bedroom looks like at 2AM. You know how he sounds during sex and the face he makes when he orgasms. That girl you went out with once or twice? You know her life story. You’ve likely talked for hours about her past experiences and what potentially lies in her future. There are questions you could ask her, and a life narrative you could easily follow. That guy you dated for a month? You could have had real feelings for him. You could have been imagining a future with him before he threw it all away, and nobody should be allowed to discount how you felt about him because it was only a month. You may never see any of these people again, but they’re still exes. The intimacy was real; it just came without any sort of commitment.

And that’s the way we like it, isn’t it? We’re young, we’re unattached, and we’re free to do what we please with whomever we please, so why not keep as many love interests around us as possible? I mean sure, if the right person comes along, then by all means, settle down with them. But until that moment comes, there’s nothing wrong with having enough exes in your phonebook to populate a small town. They’ll live on forever in your text messages and Facebook feed, because thanks to social media we can never really say goodbye to our exes — which is perfect, because if there’s one thing we enjoy, it’s keeping our options open.

Credits: By JORDAN TYLER

Stuck in the past.

Why do I still find myself dwelling on the past.

And the funny thing is how this thought is going on and off...... It's like one moment I can be fine without seeing you, but the next moment you are all I ever think of and all I want to bump into.

THIS SUCKS.



I can actually do it yknow. It's really up to me to let it go or continue to get stuck in this shit. Somehow, someday, I will get out of this shit and be glad I did for this is causing me too much misery. (Not exactly but still..... hahahahaha)

Life never fails to amaze me.
It can one moment, treat me like a princess, and the next moment, treat me like a prisoner.

I will never give in to all the obstacles and all the shit being thrown at me.
I WILL CONCEAL AND BEAT THEM ALL.

Copycats

Just found out from a old friend that someone has been ripping my blog posts onto their own and making it sound like as though MY THOUGHTS are THEIR THOUGHTS. Like honestly, I don't get what's the point of doing all this?? Are you that afraid of typing whatever that's on your mind into a post or you simply do not have your own thoughts that you have to copy someone else's post?



And the fact that you're actually someone that i know, someone that were once closed to me. I'm not hating on you. I just want you to know that you should not be afraid of voicing out your own thought, and not go around ripping other people's post and making them your own because it really takes time and effort to do up a post. Different people have different thoughts, hence it is quite impossible to have an exactly same post. I really hope it won't happen ever again......



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Still Loving You

Time, it needs time
To win back your love again
I will be there, I will be there
Love, only love
Can bring back your love someday
I will be there, I will be there

I'll fight, babe, I'll fight
To win back your love again
I will be there, I will be there
Love, only love
Can break down the wall someday
I will be there, I will be there

If we'd go again
All the way from the start
I would try to change
The things that killed our love
Your pride has built a wall, so strong
That I can't get through
Is there really no chance
To start once again
I'm loving you

Try, baby try
To trust in my love again
I will be there, I will be there
Love, our love
Just shouldn't be thrown away
I will be there, I will be there

If we'd go again
All the way from the start
I would try to change
The things that killed our love
Your pride has built a wall, so strong
That I can't get through
Is there really no chance
To start once again

If we'd go again
All the way from the start
I would try to change
The things that killed our love
Yes, I've hurt your pride, and I know
What you've been through
You should give me a chance
This can't be the end
I'm still loving you
I'm still loving you, I need your love
I'm still loving you

"Can we just be friends"

You kiss my cheek and walk away
I am waiting for you to say,
"I love you"

But instead,
You break my heart with your unkind words
"Can we just be friends?"
I look away

A knife through my heart
You try to touch my cheek
I turn away

Why can't we be more than Friends
That is all I ever wanted

And More

When you said those unkind words
You ripped my heart to shreds
I won't forget you

Every time our song comes on
I will think of you and sigh

Every time you call me 
I will hang up without an explanation
Why?

That is the question that
I asked that day
The day you said,
"Can We Just Be Friends?"

- Kacie Hiatt

Moodswings

I don't know why but these days I have really horrible mood swings.

It's like one moment I can be laughing my ass off over some thing small.


And the next moment,


And 5 minutes later.....


Sometimes I just feel like doing this to others.....


Rolling my eyes too much these days....


Like I can get happy really easily, but also sad really easily. Not forgetting angry and hungry. OH WELL.

I'm trying to control my feelings as much as possible now.

And it's really sad to know that so many of my attached friends are going through so much in their love life these days. Being for them, hearing them tell me about their stories, kind of make me doubt love, true love. In the past, I honestly thought I would meet Mr Right, get married, have kids, live happily and grow old together. BUT NOW, i kind of don't believe happily ever after. Even the most perfect couple in my life has broken up. TELL ME HOW TO KEEP BELIEVING IN TRUE LOVE?

Lazy bum

Haven't been on here since forever!!!!! (The last time I updated was probably like end of March?!) Have so much updating to do!!!!!

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Day out with YOLO

While waiting for Arun outside of the cinema.......

Faz sneakly snapped pictures of us while we're watching the trailer of Bad Neighbours. (Zac Efron! <3)

After that, we went to Ngee Ann City's Seoul Garden to eat. And it was such a horrible experience....... There were many tourists squeezed into that quite small outlet and they were being really arrogrant by openly cutting queues for the buffet. AND THEY ANYHOW TOUCH PEOPLE. Bad choice to dine there....... Both Faz and Jo ate the chicken I bbq-ed and when I asked how was it, Faz was like..... ".... Nice! Very nice!" And I was quite happy actually HAHA but when I wasn't looking he quickly grabbed a piece of tissue of spit out the meat. HAHHAHAHAAH TOO CUTE LA HE.

Arun joined us at the ending part, when out tummy were going to explode any time soon. Since we were still early for our movie, CAPTAIN AMERICA, we decided to walk around, end up me and Jo got attracted by the cute tiny clothes at Cotton On Kids. While we were looking at the tiny clothes, the boys were watching Batman, that was playing at the shop. #ForeverYoung.

 

Captain America was so good!!!!!! Apparently, me and Jo talked like damn alot and kept "analyzing" the movie. HAHAHAHA BUT IT'S REALLY DAMN GOOD!!!!!

After the movie, we went Cathay play-station!

And after which, ending our day with hell loads of selfies!!!!!

  

  

 

 

 

  

 

 

At Cathay, there were some ongoing comic character drawing and I'm really amazed at how the uncle drew our characters so quickly!!

Haven't spent quality time together, the 4 of us. And I kind of do miss those camp days......

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Meet up with secondary school clique.

I really miss them so much. They are the ones who made my last 2 years of secondary school life amazing, and memorable. And well, they are still as bastard as ever...... We met up for zichar near TP and I was like early but they were all late. (It's always I'm early and they are all late or they are all early and I'm late. TSK)

So we ordered our usual, sambal kang kong, pork ribs, cereal prawn (with shells), salted egg meat etc etc. After awhile, the uncle came and said, "那个有壳的虾没有了 (The prawns with shell no more already)" then Xut was like, "YAY" but Cole was like, "Huh why....." Then they 'argue' abit but it all ended with laughter because of Km and Justin who both said, "WAIT! WHAT IS 壳 (shell)?!" HAHAHAHAHA DAMN FUNNY SIA THEY ALL.

After dinner, we decided to go to Pris house. So we walked over and on the way the guys decided to troll by walking REALLY SLOW at the bicycle lawn when the word 'SLOW' was on the floor. The aunties and uncles around must be silently cursing us....... At pris house, Justin keep suaning Cole by keep asking her to go to a corner to reflect. HAHA! Played Bluff and I SUCK AT IT, They say my expressions always betray me. BOOOO.

 

 

 

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DIY Dye Hair Day

The next day, Jojo came over and we dyed our hair together!!! And hmm, I kind of regret dying my hair? Because my hair turned FREAKING DARK. It's like I've never ever had so black hair before since my natural hair colour was abit brownish already..... The anger I had after I saw the outcome was............ HAHAHAHA YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO KNOW.

Was so angry but met up with Pris, Xut and Cole after Jo went home and they made me feel so much better. LOVE THEM TO THE MOON AND BACK! <3333

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Trials

Currently modeling for a blogshop. Hopefully I can improve as time goes by.......

After that went to find Xiya at AMK....

 
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42nd Batch POP

Went back to Shs with the bff to help out with trainings. OH HOW I MISS THE OLD DAYS......
And the batch that we first took as a CL (42nd Batch) finally POPed! Next year the batch that POP will be the last batch that I took. I remember before I POPed, I remember promising them that I'll be back for all their POP and so fast, I'm left with 1 final batch that I once took........ How time flies.

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#tgiw

#tgiw with Dan and Jan. Amazing experience.....

 

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Malaysia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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SLA

Set Up Booth Day

Day 1

 

 

Day 2

HAHAHAHA THIS PICTURE IS SO EPIC!

 
The Spa girls!
 

 

 

     

 

 

 

 

 

   

SOH FAMZ!

 
Bumped into toshbabyyyyyy!

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Welcome Tea

Preparation Days:
So many hours spent doing logistics and I'm really happy it's all worth it!!!!!

First day of teaparty prep with Jo, Faz and Ahgongseow. After which met up with Janice for Sakae sushi buffet! Me and Jan played under the rain! LOVE PLAYING UNDER THE RAIN WOOHOO.

 

 

 

Went back RP for Jam&Hop with Danielle, Janice and Jinghui. Was talking on the phone with Faz when Jinghui snapped the pictures. HAHA

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

ACTUAL DAY:

 

   

 

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Town with Dan.

 Have been going town pretty often with Danielle. HAHA

 

 

 

       

 

 

 

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Class.

That one day when we're required to wear sports attire to school.....

 

 

 

 

 Us imitating the posters people at the back. HAHAHA

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RANDOMS

 

 

Arun sent me this and zheng was like, "HEY LET'S SELFIE BACK." HAHAHAHAH

   

 

 

 

 

 EPIC MAX HAHAHAAHHA 

 

 

 
Guess who came to find me!

 

Sent Kaka Tonni homed on Sunday. )': WILL MISS YOU

 

 

After that, later that day, Mother's Day at Ponggol Seafood!

 

 

 

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AND YAY I'M FNALLY DONE WITH ALL MY UPDATESSSSSS!!
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