4F 2012

Came across Vin's already-died blog, and while reading through it, it really brings back so many memories from 3 years ago. Truth to be told, I do miss them - Vin, Pris, Cole, Xut, Justin, KM, Berwyn, Shermaine. I miss hanging out with them after school, I miss doing stupid things with them in class, I miss going for class late with them, I miss gossiping with them, everything. Now, how often do we meet?

Vin, he used to promise me that he'll be there for me no matter what, but now he literally MIA-ed on me since like last year?????? It's sad how this friendship is dying just like that. What can I do to go back to the days where life was simple, yet happy and carefree.

Things have changed.

Back to this place after a crazy half a year.


Well so many things have happened/changed, and some of the major things are like....
- I'm finally a Year 3 student, aka LAST YEAR OF POLY.
- I moved from Cotton On to Llao Llao.
- I got attached.
- Finally 19!

Funny how things are just different from what I would imagine exactly a year ago. Who knew I would really quit Cotton On and join a whole new industry. Life was tough initially. Learning how to twirl a nice yogurt, trust me, it's so not easy. And approaching my final year in Poly, things are more or less like still the same, in fact, I'm getting lazier. But thanks to John, who's constantly pulling me back to track, I'm still surviving. I'm not sure if I ever mentioned about the new system in RP, but it really sucks so badly. Not like they removed RJ, Quiz and Evaluation, but they shorted our usual 15 weeks of lessons to 13 weeks, which also caused us to have only 2 unofficial absence instead of 3. And instead of having our usual 3 UTs, we now only have MSA and ESE. Why do I feel like I'm back in Primary School, with our CAs and SAs. LOL.

Getting attached to John was something I've never ever imagined. Like really NEVER EVER. It just happened. I would say this is my first real relationship, and not any of the previous puppy love relationship, it has taught me so much, and definitely brought me happiness, anger, sadness. We may look sweet and all, but there are times where we're so close to quarreling, until either one of us will just give way and back to the happy moments. I'm still enjoying this attached life, and sure do wish that he's the one.

Finally 19 - 1 more year till I'm no longer a teen, and entering the next phrase of my life.
After getting attached, some of my friends naturally stopped talking/talk lesser to me and when I decide to take the first move, the only thing they said was, "Oh, I thought you will be with John." Honestly, I fucking hate it. Yes, not slightly kidding. I may laugh it off but trust me, I am cursing you deep in my heart. Getting attached does not fucking means you get rid of all your other friendships. How do I drill that into your minds?! If you want to assume that I will get rid of my friendships after getting attached then fine, just leave. I do not appreciate people who don't understand/know me. It just proves how much you know me as a 'friend'.

Perspective.

Getting sick of everything.

So inspired by Ms Ally, I think after graduating, after my SME bond, I really want to take a break and travel around the world with just a back-bag. For my entire life, I am given almost everything I want, and the life I have is really a big time as compared to the other kids out there. Living such a good life that I don't even appreciate everything I have in my life. But after what Ms Ally shared, I felt like I need to step out, having been living under my parents' protection for so many years, I don't even see what's happening out there in the other side of the world. I own so many clothes, shoes, bags, food, but does kids over there own it like I do?

Just want to leave Singapore and set my feet on all parts of the world, and actually know what's really happening on Earth, and along the way, help the less fortunate. It's all I want to do right now.

"The world is bigger than what you think it is."

Garden.

A guy own a garden, it was a gorgeous garden with all kinds of greens growing beautifully. The garden was near to perfect, the only thing missing from the garden was colors – Flowers.

After years, after many failed attempts of growing flowers, one day, a rose grew out. The guy was so happy that he showered the rose with love and care. The rose was too very happy to receive such good treatment.

Every single day, through sun and rain, the guy without fail will be there for the rose. At some point in time, she was all that he wanted.

However, one sunny day, a neighbor came along and said to the guy, “Hey, I’ve bought some sunflowers and had some leftovers. Would you like one?” And without any hesitation, the guy gladly accepted a sunflower. The guy started planting the sunflower into a pot, and slowly he paid more attention to the sunflower.

Feeling insecure, the rose decided to ask the guy, “Would you ever get sick of me?” The guy laughed and replied, “Oh silly, how would I ever get sick of something so beautiful?” The rose was satisfied with the answer and trusted that he meant what said.

But trusting him was probably one of the biggest mistakes the rose could ever make.

Slowly, the guy stopped showering love and care for the rose and eventually he had all his attention on the sunflower instead. And the rose, deprived of love and care, eventually died.

Stupidity

I cannot describe the feeling I'm describing right now. I don't even know if I'm angry or I'm sad. 

Words really mean nothing until actions prove it. 

Sorry but I really cannot go on like this, knowing that you lied and I actually believed it?????? Right now, I just want to draw a line between us, in fact I don't even want to have anything to do with you. In fact, I am so regretting everything from the very start. Why did I do so much only to have myself being fooled around lol. Isn't it like digging my own grave, making myself hurt only???? WHY AM I SO DUMB. I should have trusted myself, I should have trusted my instinct. Why did I persuade myself that you're different from everyone else. Just my fault to actually think that there are really nice guys out there. hahahahahaha. Guys are guys, what should I expect from them. 

Forget it. Never ever again am I allowing myself to change my own mindset/impression of another person. 

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