说不出的话

It's never easy to open up to someone new, because the reason why you even have those bottled up thoughts in the first place is because someone caused hurt to you isn't it? And the reason why it's bottled up is because they left. So it's like a cycle that's going on and on and on and on. 

You meet someone new > Open up to them > They hurt you > They leave you > You meet someone new > Open up to them > They hurt you > They leave you

Does this cycle even have an end to it? 

How do one even control their feelings? Or should it be, how do you even know if you like or love someone? Is it a mind thing, or is it a heart thing? Seeking for answers but only to find myself deeper and further away from love. Ever since I turn 18, I often think of myself as an adult and no longer as a kid. But then just that day, because of some problems that caused my friend to give me a wake up call, I look at myself and my actions and I asked myself once again, "Does age really determine your maturity?"

All my actions are definitely not what a mature adult should do. And honestly I'm really ashamed of my actions, and my thinking...... Haiz, 18 but so what. When will I ever grow up and be serious.