Dilemma.

I hate how I contradict myself. 

I told myself I will not affected by feelings but, what a lie. It seems like I'm overthinking, I'm insecure and stuff, but the reason why I'm like this is because I've been through this shit countless time, so I know, I know that it'll definitely not be something happy, something good. But why is it that despite getting hurt by this shit so many times, I'm still repeating the same mistake over and over again. Indirectly, I mean I deserve all this shit I'm suffering right now. I hate that I love you. I hate that your every action can trigger my emotions. I hate that I'm happy because of you, but I'm also sad because of you.

And when can I learn from my mistake not to trust people that easily. Each and every single time I trust people and only to regret my action because all people do is play with my feelings, my trust. So much for keeping a secret.... Indeed, only the dead can keep a secret. So much for promising me. I probably learnt from my mistake, and now at least I know who I can trust with my secret and who I can't. Trust, once broken, can no longer be fixed.

I think right now, I just need a break. Right now, all I want is spend more time with my family, my best friend and my secondary school friends, whom I know I've neglected these days... I really miss those days when I'm only sad because I've disagreement with my bff, when we've graduated from shss, when life was much more simpler and when friends really stood by you.

As we grow older, I realised that life also became more complicated. Now I question myself.... 

Am I really prepared to face the society?

I stopped having expectations.

let it go.

I wish I had never met you. There would be no need to impress you. No need to want you. No need for loving you. No need for crying over you. No need for heartbreaks. No need for pain or tears. No need for forgotten promises. No need for rejected hugs. No need for crying myself to sleep. No need for everything you've done to make me feel like nothing. 

I'll be back

Exams period these days, I'll be back with an ultra long post soon!

Blabbers.

Late post! This was supposed to be up on Sunday but wifi was being such a bitch so it's been delayed till today. WHOOPS.

Run for Hope is over already! Feeling really exhausted now. Haven't really had a good sleep and I TOTALLY DEPRIVE OF SLEEP. ARGH.

Friday, after school went for VM recce trip at Swissotel for Vertical Marathon with the facis and Student leaders, and we actually had the chance to go up to the helipad. O M G. It is gorgeous. Really really gorgeous. I cannot express the beauty of it, and you'll only understand it when you are up there, experiencing it yourself. Luckily the time that we went, which was in the evening, the weather was good. Not sunny but windy. It was really cold up there and the breeze and scenery, basically EVERYTHING, I love it. If it's possible, I would really want to get married up there. Well, actually it's impossible. Because it'll be too dangerous and the wind will prolly blow away my wedding dress and all the decorations, maybe the food too. Or maybe little kids, or worst, my soon-to-be-husband. HAHAHA!

After that, proceed to Nick's house with Jan and JX. Stayed over at his house once again. We had cup noodles for dinner. But because we were still hungry, and jx was craving for scramble eggs, so they cooked ah. Then don't know why we started competing on who cook the nicest egg. It was funny because we all try to act smart, act ingredients like atas only ah. HAHAHA. But Arun and Hazel bought KFC for us after that yayyy! After doing quiz, rj and all, we just lepaked ah. Fell asleep at like 1+am? 

Woke up a few times in the morning because it was damn cold. Sweet Jinxuan kept pulling the blanket from Josephine to cover for me. Aww. (': Officially woke up at 10am, washed up and all and Nick went to buy chicken wings for his storm outing. Then me, jan, jx and hazel helped to prepare the chicken wings. By then Arun has left to prepare his food for storm outing and hazel and jos also left for Brooks run. Halfway frying the chicken wings when Jan suddenly asked why the fire ran out. WE RAN OUT OF GAS. 

Nick called for the gas already but he was definitely late for his outing. I had to leave soon to meet Pris, Yang and Qi for lunch. Felt quite bad because we didn't help finish frying all the chicken wings.....

Both me and pris were an hour late to meet the guys hehe. But they didn't blame us. I bet they're used to it, especially Yiqi. :b It was a good catch up session. SWC used to have 5 of us but it seems like we no longer matter to one of them. Oh well....

After lunch, me and Pris took mrt back to Tampines, while the guys went for some blazer shopping. Had a good short htht with the bestie. I really miss her so so so so much.....

Went home, took a bath and left for school! Met Jo, jx and Jan at CWP. Me and Jan bought our shorts from CO before heading to school. Overnight at RHC weeee~ We watched World War Z and it was AWESOME. The facis ordered pizza and chicken wings for us yay! There was a part of the movie when I got scared and the chicken wing on my plate flew up and JX was scared by it. HAHAHA!

After nights out, the fuze comm girls sat around and chit chat because the power was cut off for an hour. We proceed to the lobby to chit chat, with the guys this time, as Mr Gan said we were too noisy. It was a okay bonding session between the year 1 and 2.

Went to sleep at 1+am and I didn't sleep well at all. Kept waking up.... Woke up at 3am, washed up and had to spam call my team members who were supposed to be in school by 4am. But it was not successful. ):

Reached Marina Promenade at around 4.30am and the field was M U D D Y. Luckily i was wearing my old pair of shoes hehe. My job scope was quite simple la actually. And I bumped into Kimmeng siaaaa! So surprisinggggg.

After the whole event, most of the Fuze Comm peeps went for lunch together at Astons. And I almost lost my phone. I can't believe I actually left my phone in the toilet and realising that my phone is gone only after 15 minutes. Luckily someone nice and honest found it and called Nick. And luckily I lent Jan my phone to call Nick before that. THANK GOD.

After lunch, went walk walk around Suntec with Jo, JX, Jan, Nick and Vynx. Bought a really cute bottle from Cotton On Kids for only $5. I'm loving ittttt.

After I reached home, I was so tired that I just crashed on the sofa and slept. Woke up at like 8.30pm and I was shocked because I thought it was like 4am Monday or what already because it was dark. The first thought was actually, "Shit, I haven't bathed and had dinner." And I just stoned for a couple of minutes, thinking what should I do. Then I checked my phone. When I saw 8.40, I thought it was 8.40am Monday. And I was like, "Fuck, I'm late for school." And then I realised, oh wait why is it so dark if it's 8.40am. And then I realised it's 8.40pm Sunday. Silly me. Went to bathed and mummy brought food back from Ahma's house. Lovely. 

Did our annual vaccination yesterday. HATE INJECTIONS. ): 

Didn't go school on Tuesday because it's FA and I need my rest. I really really really detest my FA faci. I rather Maths faci teach me than her. Annoying. Went to the temple with Daddy, Mummy and dajie to 拜 Hougang Ahma.

Went to meet Jinxuan to do our eyebrows at TPY after she end school before going to Katong to meet family. Teoheng to celebrate Daddy's birthday this year. Bought oreo cheesecake hehe.